Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christmas Disaster Part 1: Where Have All the Holly Berries Gone?


It must be the time of year for the Christmas letter: the birds have been busy devouring the holly berries.  Usually they wait until the temperature drops to sub zero and the ground is covered with snow.  Today it is above freezing and the ground is so wet some birds keep getting distracted from their premature plunder of the holly berries by worms wiggling in plain sight.  Go figure.  Maybe the birds know something about climate I don’t.

To get into the Christmas spirit I read a few articles about current decorating ideas.  Martha Stewarts’s weekend newspaper column suggested decorating with nature this year.  Bring the natural beauty indoors.  Banish the artificial and phony.  Save time and money. What a great idea!   

So when the birds began their attack of the holly trees on Saturday, with work gloves protecting my freshly-manicured hands, I ventured outside with my pruner.  Our Shetland Sheepdog Schatzie stood guard at the front door and barked, scaring off any birds who might be contemplating taking issue with my bringing nature indoors.  

I cut a generous armload of the holly branches, some still with berries.  Makes me think if Tippi Hedren had owned a sheltie dog, Hitchcock’s “The Birds” would never have been made. 

As Martha Stewart directed, I tried to place the branches in a large bucket.  She suggests soaking them for 24 hours so they are completely hydrated.  The branches were too big for any of our buckets.  By now the sharp holly leaves had scratched my hands, ruined my manicure, and the gloves also were wet and useless.  I removed the gloves and tried pushing the branches into a cooler.  At least they now mostly fit.

Ferrying buckets of water to the cooler situated on the back porch, I tripped, spilling water everywhere. My shoes, clothes, and the floor were soaked.  At least I had the foresight to use warm water.  So it was not as bad as it sounds, more like a bath while fully dressed.

I closed the back door, cleaned up the mess and changed clothes.  And promptly forgot about the holly branches in the cooler until today.  At least they should be well hydrated.  So I re-cut the branches and filled several vases.  More scratches.  But, what the hell: you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. 

By now the birds have completely stripped the bright berries from all of the holly trees.  That’s just as well.  I’m totally done with this “natural” Christmas decorating. 

1 comment:

  1. Great story! Makes me wonder how many staffers Martha had working on this project!

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