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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Deck the Halls or Not a creature is stirring…ooh…a dead mouse

Well it’s that happiest time of year. When we go all out: Christmas shopping, baking holiday goodies, and decorating everything.

Just yesterday I was at physical therapy. They were hanging blinking lights on the equipment, wreaths on the doors, and warned they’d cover me with tinsel if I didn’t move a little faster.

Luckily, it was about time to head home to do a little decorating of our own. We are in a new—to us—house. Our new home has the same number of bedrooms and baths as the old but is a single story with very tall, cathedral ceilings.

It’s been an interesting project figuring what fits where. You do know, interesting, is the all-purpose word when you don’t want to resort to a curse word.

Some decorations, though perhaps “dated” as the stylists like to say, or even a bit ragged from many years of usage, still carry memories of Christmas past and work just fine, at least in our opinion. But then some other decorations don’t. And there are some total gaps.

For example, we now have a very tall, white brick fireplace that cries out for some type of decoration. We don’t own any decorations large enough for the scale of the fireplace. So, we came up with a plan: buy some new decoration and hang it from the one large nail the previous owners had placed high up on the bricks of the fireplace.

With some perusing online I found and ordered a very large, pre-lit, battery-operated wreath with a timer. Our plan was once we got this sucker up we wouldn’t have to mess with it again until it was time to take it down. A very good plan. Execution was another matter.

The wreath arrived on our doorstep without incident.  My husband dragged out the extension ladder and, together, though not without struggle, we got the batteries in the wreath, a bow attached, and the wreath way up high.

Stepping back, with our heads titled all the way back, we soon realized the wreath was WAY too high for the room. Anyone would get a crick in their neck looking at it. Did I mention I’ve been going to physical therapy for persistent neck, back and shoulder pain? This wreath was not going to help. But maybe moving it wouldn’t either. In any event, the wreath came down.

My husband then fashioned a clever hanger from an ordinary white metal clothes hanger. And the wreath was now at about the right height.

Feeling smug at our accomplishment, though my husband was muttering something about how he hoped the hanger, wreath and all didn’t fall, he then attempted to replace two of the floodlights in the very tall ceiling. He was using a pole gizmo with attachments he’d ordered online and was standing near the top of the extension ladder.

All went well with one light, but the other refused to budge from the socket and instead retreated as if it were a sunken eye of Blue Beard the Pirate. There was no way we could reach the dead bulb now. Well, maybe instead of Christmas decorations we should be using a pirate party theme?

I should mention, in all the “deck the hall’ing” and changing light bulbs, a lamp was broken and wreath debris had somehow gotten everywhere. We were a bit bloodied but not quite ready to give up on decorating. Since we’d have to clean up anyway, and the ladder and the tubs of Christmas decorations were still out we thought we’d at least spread some of the old, pre-lit garland on top of our new, very tall, white bookcases on either side of the chimney. We thought that would be a nice, relatively easy, decorating touch.

After putting batteries in the garland, positioning the ladder, and taking some deep breaths, my husband climbed up on the ladder again as I handed up the garland. He promptly handed the garland back, now covered with dust and cobwebs. And he asked if I could bring him an old, plastic container (about the size of a mouse) and a trash bag. A dead mouse had been sprawled on top of the tall bookcase.

Suffice it to say, we got the lighted garland up eventually and the mouse properly disposed of. The house now is even tidied a bit from the wreck we’d made of it.

And we have to admit our house is starting to look a bit more Christmas-y. But the Christmas tree is still not yet up. In a year of optimism, we had bought a pre-lit, simple, three-part construction Christmas tree that every year creates havoc because it never quite reassembles the way the directions claim and some of the lights refuse to come on.


The tree will be a project for next week. I suppose I should sign up for a double dose of physical therapy.  I just hope the therapists have finished their decorating. We’ve had enough fun for now.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Trump World--Can we please go back to a different future?

I’m trying to move past hysteria, depression and anger over the election. Focus on Thanksgiving, I tell myself. Focus on the turkey. Or write about concerts, shopping, other topics. After all, I said this blog was to be about the amusing things of life with only an occasional burst of seriosity. But I’m having trouble finding the usual things amusing.

Why this sense of doom? After all, our nation has survived many things: terrorist attacks, ill-thought-out wars, outrageous wrong-doings by our chief executive, assassinations, and dangerously ill-informed Presidents. No doubt some previous Presidents were narcissists and money-grubbing.

But this is somehow different. Never before have we teetered into banana-republic, alternate time-line reality. Biff Tannen has been elected President in “Back to the Future 4.0”. Trump is just as grabby, greedy, and dangerous as Biff only somehow this is real life.

The broken promises to Trump supporters are almost too numerous to name. Trump acknowledges there is a connection between human activity and climate change. Bringing back coal, torture of suspects or lost American manufacturing jobs are all pretty much the things dreams (or in some cases, nightmares) and campaign promises are made of. So why am I not reassured?

And as for all those chants of “lock her up”? Those were reality TV theater. Trump commonly called Hillary crooked. But he now admits he has no plans to prosecute Hillary. I should be satisfied.

But there never were any grounds to lock up Hillary. She has been investigated as extensively as any public figure and no criminal acts were ever found.  So, the dropping of that campaign promise is surprising only in its rapidity. The real reason the “lock her up” promise has been dropped like a hot potato is Hillary’s alleged wrongdoing is so miniscule compared to the crookedness of all things Trump.

Not just America but the whole world is up for grabs as Trump begins to stamp his giant Trump logo everywhere.

The campaign promises have fallen with record-breaking speed by the way side. But what is really scary is that Trump’s world view and policy positions are as thin as his skin. Whatever he has heard most recently is what he’s planning to do next. Whomever he’s speaking to now is whom he agrees with. If he’s at the NY Times, they are a jewel of a newspaper. Well that’s just fine. Until he goes back and talks to the racist, anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim, anti-gay and otherwise hate-filled advisers he’s selected.

Trump is not yet President and already we have a daily competition to see what is the worst to spew from the Trump carnival.

The Trumpster has an amazing ability. He creates so many controversies that the talking heads and pundits are issuing statements about how many positions Trump has flipped on in the last twenty-four hours. Which of the disasters are real (the conflicts of interest) and which are just sleight of hand and a distraction (twitter battles with the cast of “Hamilton” and the New York Times).

Meanwhile Trump brags the value of his brand has greatly increased since the election. The Trump “charity” admits to the IRS its self-dealing and violations. Trump easily makes time while selecting a Cabinet to meet with foreign dignitaries and ask for special deals for his investments.

Trump has no fears. He will be President so no one can do anything about his conflicts of interest. In fact, he declares, much like Nixon, that as President he cannot break the law or have conflicts. That is what one would expect from Biff. Or the “President” of a banana republic.

You wanted our infrastructure rebuilt? That is one of the main functions of government. The Republicans refused to fund it under Obama. Under Trump get ready for infrastructure re-building. That is, if you want to privatize that infrastructure and slap tolls on America so Trump’s family and cronies can start collecting double-digit returns on investment at our expense.


I just can’t stomach the idea of our roads, bridges and airports bearing a big Trump logo as we pay our tolls to the Trump Enterprise to enter public spaces. Can you?

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

As Thanksgiving approaches I am sharing an excerpt from an essay I wrote on a Thanksgiving some years ago. 

The Thanksgiving holiday is all about the turkey.  Perhaps a football game or two and a little holiday shopping.  Well, actually, for some people the shopping is more of a competitive sport than the all-day football games on TV. 

But here it is Thanksgiving and my turkey is in another town.  No, I am not stranded at the airport due to weather or holiday crowds.  Rather, we were going to drive to my Mom’s house for our turkey dinner and instead have found ourselves quarantined at home, 290 miles from our turkey dinner.

To fully understand the situation I must digress a bit. Actually, all the way back to our childhoods. My husband is an only child and I am an only daughter.  Neither of us learned to cook with a lot of other people “helping” in the kitchen, so we seldom cook meals together.  But on Thanksgiving, after 30 plus years of marriage, my spouse and I have finally reached a truce and choreographed the holiday meal to an art form.  Early in the day, I get the turkey ready, stuffed, and in the oven. 

Early afternoon, my husband begins his elaborate preparations of  side dishes that bake for at least an hour, most courtesy of Shaker recipes or Jeff Smith’s Frugal Gourmet: corn pudding, sweet potatoes baked in maple syrup, and baked apples.  After he has lovingly nestled his gourmet creations in the oven, I then prepare broccoli casserole (also courtesy of a “Shaker” recipe, though I am jarred by the image of the Shakers driving in horse-drawn carriages to market for Velveeta cheese food and Ritz crackers), potatoes, and gravy. 

This year, though, there is no turkey, not a small roasting chicken, or even a Cornish hen in our house.  Since we were not planning on being home for Thanksgiving.  Instead we had planned on driving on Thanksgiving Day to Mom’s home some four and a half hours away.  As a result of those travel plans and Mom’s ill health, for the first time, instead of our usual holiday cooking routine, somewhat reluctantly I had ordered a turkey dinner already fully prepared.  This is likely to be Mom’s last Thanksgiving, so I went a bit overboard and ordered an elaborate, take-out feast which Mom’s care-giver has picked up and planned to heat and serve today.

Mom has had little appetite after completing five weeks of radiation for a tumor discovered several months ago.  Even though Mom is not likely to eat much of the turkey dinner, I had hoped that she would at least enjoy the sight of a plump, baked bird on her dining room table, and that feast, shared by family, would lift her spirits.

Unfortunately, my husband and I aren’t able to be at that table today.  He came down with the old-fashioned stomach flu on Thanksgiving Eve.  A result of a virus, no doubt, but one that seems almost unpatriotic in its timing at the start of shopping and gluttony season.  I, on the other hand, though not (yet) affected by the stomach bug, instead am suffering from a longer term, gastro-intestinal ailment that appears to be tracking Mom’s decline in health.

Thus, the absence of a turkey at our house this year is not a loss we particularly miss except, perhaps, in the abstract. Furthermore, according to the morning newspaper, most Americans gain five pounds over the holiday season.  The risks of over-eating, even in a single meal were laid out like the proverbial buffet: heart attack, stroke, gall stone attacks, not to mention old-fashioned heartburn and gastric distress.  We will count ourselves lucky to be sidestepping these risks as, we pick sedately at scrambled eggs, no toast for me on the chance my tummy upset is gluten sensitivity activated by stress. 

As it turned out that was my Mom’s last Thanksgiving.  She never rebounded after the radiation, but instead lingered for many months as her life spirit and her strength receded.  My brother and I spent much of that time with her.  Only belatedly did we think to play for her some of the music she had so enjoyed.  Nevertheless, I like to think that even in her coma-like state she heard and enjoyed some of the old Nat King Cole songs she had played on the piano in her younger days. 


During my Mother’s final months I developed celiac, a disease associated with a severe reaction to wheat and gluten. Celiac occurs as a result of a genetic predisposition, and can be activated by physical or mental stress.  Luckily, our son’s in-laws assure me they are happy to serve a gluten- free turkey dinner.  

It has taken me awhile to realize Thanksgiving is not at all about the turkey.  Or even the football and shopping.  Rather, it’s about family, however you might define them, and good friends.  And it’s for giving thanks for them, however far flung or distant they might now be.



Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Welcome to Trump World

You were tired of business as usual. You wanted someone who could blow up Washington. An outsider who didn’t know anything about government or politics. Who couldn’t pass a fifth-grade civics test. So, you voted for Trump. Overnight, the markets have crashed. Not just the U.S. stock markets but around the world. Welcome to Trump World.

 You were tired of political correctness. You wanted someone who said what you sometimes think about people who are different than you. The President-Elect, as a reality TV show host and self-proclaimed billionaire, is a man who has bragged about being able to assault women with impunity, who has incited violence at his rallies, mocked a disabled reporter, said he will bar whole groups of people because of their religions and is embraced by racists (who prefer the politically correct title alt-right) as one of their own. Do you think you will be able to let your children or grandchildren watch the TV news without their minds being polluted by the evil and hatred you have let loose? Welcome to Trump World.

You hoped that Trump would bring his gold-plated business magic to government and your lives? A man who stiffed his contractors. Declared bankruptcy in his business dealings so many times we’ve lost count. A man who cheated so big on his taxes that he ignored his own lawyers’ advice and took a tax write off for almost a billion dollars—of other people’s money—to avoid paying taxes for a couple of decades. Do you think he will fix the problems in this country? With the stock market dropping to historic lows just at the news of his election. Welcome to Trump World.

You liked Trump’s brash “tell it like it is”, take no prisoners, me-first approach to life and business. Marry foreign supermodels. When the first one gets to be a little old—35 is The Donald’s age cut off for wives—cheat on her and then import another. Shall we all try his approach--think about ourselves first and only—not pay our bills until we are sued and then try to whittle down the debts to cents on the dollar? Treat women as disposable. Everyone else is just a thing, not a real person. It worked for The Donald, why not me? I guess that’s the new business and personal standard. Welcome to Trump World.

You couldn’t vote for Hillary because you’ve heard she is corrupt. Trump said she is a criminal. So, it must be true. It doesn’t matter that she has been investigated more than any other politician and cleared of wrong doing. Trump is a man who is involved in more than 4,000 lawsuits in the last three decades, more than anyone who has ever run for President. He goes to trial this month on fraud charges related to Trump University. He’s been accused by multiple women of sexual assault as well as the rape of a 13-year-old. He’s admitted, in appalling language, recorded on tape, to thinking he can get away scot free with assaulting women. His Presidency could be totally consumed with his private lawsuits. That’s not even considering his conflicts of interest which he has refused to disclose or divest himself of in a blind trust. Trump doesn’t even seem to know what a blind trust is. He says he’ll let his children handle his interests. Let’s talk about real corruption. Welcome to Trump World.

You didn’t think Hillary Clinton, a woman who has worked for other people’s welfare for most of her life, was quite likable enough to get your vote. So, you voted for the guy who trash talked minorities, Muslims, foreigners, and women at his rallies, menaced and threatened to throw his opponent in jail at his Presidential debates. Who incited his followers to violence. If that’s your idea of niceness, welcome to Trump World.


You don’t like to think about climate change. You’d rather vote for The Donald and keep your heads in the sand. Trump says climate change is a hoax constructed by the Chinese. The Donald will get us out of the Paris Agreement on Climate Change. Well, I hope you pull your head out of the sand long enough to learn to tread water or run for higher ground as the oceans continue their dramatic rise because of melting ice caps. Just because The Donald says there’s no climate change doesn’t mean Trump World won’t flood.

I’m angry and I’m sad. You, America, have elected the most vile, most unprepared, most deplorable con man in the history of our nation to our highest office. And you’ve given him a majority in both houses of Congress. Welcome to Trump World, indeed.


Sunday, October 2, 2016

TrumpWorld

Headlines scream: “Trump Wall Built: Total Success.” “Muslims Have Been Rounded Up.” “Dissenting Journalists Disappear.” And one of my favorites: “All the World Marvels at American Greatness.”

It’s day 200 of Trump’s first term. The talking heads said look at the first 100 days.  But that went by in a streak of TV, cable news channels, and news articles covering nothing but Trump doings. Trump appointed Donald Trump, Jr. to the U.S. Supreme Court vacancy while Congress was in recess. Trump banned overweight women from appearing in public without full body coverings.

Trump started his own reality and news TV channel. The ratings are out the roof. Citizens competed to be on the show to win a lifetime pardon for any crime they might commit. The first winner was Trump’s son-in-law. Chris Christie, now Secretary of State, also competed but didn’t win. Just goes to show you the program isn’t rigged.

Trump awarded himself a lifetime exemption from paying any taxes and also 20% of all revenues derived from federally owned properties. Crowds wearing caps that say: “Ain’t America Great!” cheered.

And then came the loyalty oaths. Anyone who wanted to work for or stay employed by the federal government, work as a government contractor, or receive any government entitlement, such as Social Security, Veterans benefits, or government pension had to sign.

Soon all large employers and most state and local governments were following suit and also were requiring their employees and retirees to sign the oath. The State of West Virginia and the City of Austin had refused to require a loyalty oath of their employees and contractors. All their federal funds were shut off. Soon they were back in line. It’s good to know everyone is loyal, isn’t it?

There were rumors some left-wing Hollywood types had tried to put up a fuss about signing. They claimed it was a Joe McCarthy-type communist witch hunt. But most of them signed. There was talk of independents who were holding out. That in some secret locations there was renegade news, films or shows with actors or writers who hadn’t signed the loyalty oath.

But very few average citizens were brave enough to try to see such showings. Rumor had it the renegade news and films showings were just to ferret out the un-Trumps. Armed crowds of Trump supporters somehow always found those secret locations and clubbed, shot, or pepper sprayed anyone not wearing the “Keep America Great Caps” who happened to be in the area.

All the while Team Trump turned a nice profit on the caps bearing the different “Great America” logos, as they are known. Everyone bought at least one. It isn’t safe to go out without a Great America cap. You have to hand it to Trump—he’s a great businessman.

Some professional athletes thought they could avoid signing the oath. But if they didn’t sign, they didn’t play. And that was the last anyone heard of them. In fact, most people claimed all professional athletes signed the pledge and there had never been any disloyal players. I thought I remembered a football player, some player whose name ended in “nick”, hadn’t signed.

Don’t you like the way everybody is ok now if you identify people by their race, religion or nationality? But anyway, my friends tell me this half Polock, half Black football player exists only in my mind. And that I’ve got short term memory loss. If everybody says it, it must be so.

U. S and Russia have never been better friends. Putin praised all Americans for finally electing a great leader. Kim Jong-un even jumped on the Trump bandwagon. It’s a good thing we have alliances with those good friends. Because some disloyal countries considered attacking us. Emperor Trump (oh, did I mention, that’s his new title?) quickly forced them to back down. He’s so tough!

The news channels all reported our success in immediately defeating our enemies. But sometimes I wonder why the mandatory draft of all citizens between the ages of 18 and 35 is needed. Of course, men and women are segregated. For the protection of the women. Trump really looks out for the soft womenfolk. But sometimes I wonder where have all the young people gone? And why?

I’ve tried to stop all this wondering. Trump TV tells me it’s better to enjoy the show than it is to ask a lot of questions. Questions just lead to unhealthy thinking. And Trump is the healthiest thinker our country, even our world, has ever known.

There was a time, back just in 2016, when I thought we weren’t the greatest nation. I wasn’t sure about Trump as President. And I thought a woman President wouldn’t be all that strong. Women tend to get whiny or shrill. I was tired of seeing Hillary in pantsuits and I was so tired of hearing about her emails.

I knew Trump could do better. I wasn’t sure I understood his positions on everything or how he would make his promises come true. But I really thought he would make our country great again. And he believed in what I believed in. Sometimes I wasn’t sure just what that was but I’ve always been sure he would fix everything.

And he has. Now I have a job. I work in the coal mine again. I don’t make much money. But I don’t need much. And I don’t have any time to spend money anyway since I work a 60-hour week. But Trump works three times as hard and as long as most people, a 180-hour week. The news reported that. So I really can’t complain.

Rumor has it the coal we mine is dipped in gold and then shipped to Florida for the latest Trump mansion. It looks amazing on TV. It’s an honor to have a part in building such a mansion for our leader.

I sort of wish I had health care again. I also wish I could afford to pay for public school for my kids. But as Trump says, “We all have to tighten our belts and make sacrifices if we are going to stay the greatest nation.”


And Trump says some kids can do better without going to school. My little Johnny will have the honor of starting work in the mines next year. Child labor laws have been abolished. Since we stopped immigrants from coming to this country we really have been able to put all Americans to work. 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Black Men Dying

At the gym on Friday the TV news caught my attention and that of a number of other women as we passed through the locker room. Video of one of the latest shootings by police of a Black man had just been released.

I didn’t happen to know any of the other women who had gathered near the TV. The dominant question the newscasters were debating was whether the video answered the question of “Had the Black man been holding a gun”. The question most of us around the TV were asking each other was, “Which shooting was this?”

That’s not an entirely surprising question for several reasons. First, we all had been just passing through the locker room, either coming or going to a class or physical therapy, using the equipment or facilities.

Second, shootings of Black men regularly are in the news. Almost every day or so another video or newscast of such a shooting hits the headlines.

Finally, the actual news program was adding to the confusion of which shooting was on this video. Some of the women standing there with me thought this was the shooting in Tulsa.

As you may recall, in Tulsa a woman police office had just been charged with manslaughter in the shooting death of Terence Crutcher. While we watched a video of police officers shooting a Black man, the scroll across the lower portion of the TV screen stated that a policewoman in Tulsa had just been charged with manslaughter.

Although it was thus not unreasonable to assume we were watching video from Tulsa, in fact, the video being shown was of the Charlotte shooting.

In the Charlotte shooting, Keith Lamont Scott had been sitting in his vehicle waiting for his son to arrive on the afternoon school bus. Police officers had come to this particular apartment parking lot to serve a warrant on another man. The officers had seen Scott sitting in a vehicle.

The latest reports have been that the officers saw Scott rolling a joint with a gun visible when they asked him to exit his vehicle. None of the videos so far have confirmed or refuted what Scott was doing in his vehicle or what he had in his hand when he exited the vehicle.

The video on TV on Friday afternoon had been taken by Scott’s wife before and during the Charlotte incident. She can be heard telling the police her husband had a “TBI”--for traumatic brain injury. She also said several times he was unarmed. And she repeatedly said to her husband, “Don’t do it.”  

None of us watching could be sure what she was telling her husband not to do. Nor did the video conclusively show, at least to the naked eye on TV, if Scott was holding a gun.

Most of the women watching the TV in the gym were about my age, seniors. Most also were white. Not too surprising since it was the middle of the afternoon on a Friday at a very nice, suburban gym.

One woman turned to me and said, “I think he must have had a gun. Why else would his wife say, ‘Don’t do it.’ to him?”

I replied “I’m not sure why the wife was saying that.” And then I added, “I still don’t know if he had a gun.”

As my fellow gym member turned to walk away, seeming to end our conversation, she said, “I’d hate to be a police officer nowadays.”

I replied, “I’d hate to be a Black man.”

Now the police have released some of their videos in the Charlotte shooting of Scott. Those videos also fail to answer the question of whether Scott was holding a gun when he exited his vehicle or at the time he was shot.

Lest you think I and the other woman ended up in a shoot-out at the gym on Friday, let me reassure you. The woman I had been talking to turned around and came back. We continued talking. We both agreed with the other’s point: it must be very difficult to be a police officer and make split-second, life-or-death decisions. We also agreed it is very difficult to be a person of color, particularly a Black man who is stopped by the police in today’s America.

The woman who had turned around and come back to talk to me told me about how afraid she sometimes is. She mentioned that she volunteers at a program to help recent immigrants. One of the women immigrants who had come for help was robbed by three young men as she waited on the porch of the office. The young thieves had taken her purse and all the cash she had saved. The woman told me how she had warned her granddaughters in college to never be by themselves, always stay with a group. We both agreed these can seem like dangerous times.

Science has documented most of us fear the “others”. People who don’t look like us. People of other colors. People from different backgrounds, different countries, of different religions. We fear terrorists. As we get older we may fear the young. Women often fear unknown men.

Minorities also no doubt are more likely to fear the police. And not without justification. They are 30% more likely to be pulled over than Whites; three times as likely to be searched; and twice as likely to be shot by police.

So what do we do to pull our country together? Maybe we need to start by turning around, talking and listening to each other, thinking about what the other person must be feeling and thinking. The cop on the beat who just wants to go home at the end of his or her shift to their family. The person of color who probably is thinking and feeling the same thing. Most of us thinking and feeling those same things


And a lot of this talking and listening would be so much safer and easier if the cops were the only ones with guns. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

A Trip to Spain Without Leaving Louisville

If the thought of long TSA lines, extra airline charges for everything, including an assigned seat and a suitcase, leaves you reluctant to even think about travel to Europe, consider instead a visit to Caffe Classico where you will be transported in an instant from Louisville’s Frankfort Avenue to a Spanish café.

On Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and some Saturday nights, you will be greeted not only by a friendly host but also the soft background music of live flamenco guitar by Gareth Jones.

We recently enjoyed such a getaway and a satisfying meal at Caffe Classico. We sipped a crisp Caposaldo Pinot Grigio from Italy ($7.50/$25) as we munched an order of Belgian Pomme Frittes (7.50).

Caffe Classico offers a solid selection of wines, beers, and even soft drinks (for example, Fever Tree Ginger Ale, $2.25; Aranciata, Limonata, $2.50) and coffees (not only Espresso, Cappuccino, and the like but Caffe Roma, Melange and Cortado from $2.50 to $5.00), and a full bar.

The Frittes are the perfect indulgent appetizer for someone with a gluten allergy. As anyone with a gluten allergy or intolerance can tell you, he or she usually is left hungrily eyeing other diners who can partake of all the tasty, non-gluten-friendly appetizers at the same time they chow down on warm bread. Not so at Caffe Classico.

Many of the appetizers, which range in price from $7.50 to $13.95, are or can be served gluten free or vegetarian: Tapita Rustica, a cheese plate of artisan cheeses from sapori d’italia, rustic hard salami, grapes, olives, figs and baguette slices; Croquetas De Salmon ($9.50); Mussels ($9.00); Empanadas, three baked Argentinian style beef, chicken or vegetarian empanadas ($9.75); and Huevos Fritos al Caballo, a heaping helping of frittes topped by two sunny-side-up eggs garnished with tomato vinaigrette ($8.50).

A diner could easily be content ordering from just the appetizer list. But we were not. We next chose from the variety of tasty and good-sized salads on the menu, including standards such as Caesar, Greek, Nicoise, and the out-of-the ordinary: Ensalada Fresca (fresh mixed greens with fresh tangerine wedges and pine nuts); Tortoni Buenos Aires (chef salad), priced from $7.00 to $9.50. Most can be ordered in half sizes or shared. For an additional charge, chicken, shrimp, steak or salmon can be added to any of the salads.

After sharing the Frites we each had half salads.  I enjoyed the standard Caesar salad, without croutons; my partner enjoyed the Greek salad with black olives, cucumber, tomatoes, red onions, feta cheese and pepperoncini. Both of the half salads were well-made with fresh ingredients and generously-sized.

I ordered as an entrée the 7 oz. salmon, which came nicely browned in a technique I’ve tried to duplicate at home by sautéing at high temperature. After a lot of grease spatters and not quite as good a result, I’m happy to leave this particular preparation to Caffe Classico. The asparagus spears served on the side were roasted and tasty but the woody ends could have been trimmed—or broken as my momma taught me to do—a little more. Mashed sweet potato was another fine side. But placing it under the salmon, as is the current dining style to create a pyramid of the items served with the entrée as if the chef is in a remake of Spielberg’s “Close Encounters”, resulted in the unfortunate smearing of salmon puree on the salmon, thus obscuring the taste and crisp texture of the salmon. I’d urge Caffe Classico either to go back to serving rounds of un-mashed sweet potatoes or placing the mashed sweet taters truly on the side.

My spouse enjoyed the Garlic Shrimp Linguine, a generous serving of shrimp atop linguine in a garlic, white wine, and butter sauce. I don’t think you can go wrong with that combination of ingredients. Caffe Classico nicely complimented the delicate sauce with pine nuts, baby spinach and fresh asiago.

Other entrees include a variety of meat selections: Steak Frittes, Flank Steak, Sausages Alemania, Pork Tenderloin Con Grappa Miel, and Chicken Roulade, all with interesting sides. Vegetarian choices include Mediterranean Vegetable Pasta and Saffron Asiago Risotto Cakes. Entrée prices ranged from $15.00 to $18.00.

Soups, pizzas, and sandwiches, including a variety of paninis and classic Argentinian and Spanish sandwiches, round out the menu. But a diner who wants a fuller European experience would be wise to consider trying, as we did on another visit, the Iberian Jamon (Spain’s legendary ham) menu, which ranges in price from $6.00, for a tasting portion, to $30.00 for a full plate of Jamon Iberico. As the menus says, “Delicioso!!”.

After three courses, we were too satiated to consider dessert. Though we enjoyed watching a couple near us share chocolate chip ice cream.


Caffe Classico is closed Monday, and open Tuesday 10-3, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday 10 am to 10 pm, and Sundays, 9-4 for brunch. Bueno provecho! or Bon appetite!