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Sunday, October 2, 2016

TrumpWorld

Headlines scream: “Trump Wall Built: Total Success.” “Muslims Have Been Rounded Up.” “Dissenting Journalists Disappear.” And one of my favorites: “All the World Marvels at American Greatness.”

It’s day 200 of Trump’s first term. The talking heads said look at the first 100 days.  But that went by in a streak of TV, cable news channels, and news articles covering nothing but Trump doings. Trump appointed Donald Trump, Jr. to the U.S. Supreme Court vacancy while Congress was in recess. Trump banned overweight women from appearing in public without full body coverings.

Trump started his own reality and news TV channel. The ratings are out the roof. Citizens competed to be on the show to win a lifetime pardon for any crime they might commit. The first winner was Trump’s son-in-law. Chris Christie, now Secretary of State, also competed but didn’t win. Just goes to show you the program isn’t rigged.

Trump awarded himself a lifetime exemption from paying any taxes and also 20% of all revenues derived from federally owned properties. Crowds wearing caps that say: “Ain’t America Great!” cheered.

And then came the loyalty oaths. Anyone who wanted to work for or stay employed by the federal government, work as a government contractor, or receive any government entitlement, such as Social Security, Veterans benefits, or government pension had to sign.

Soon all large employers and most state and local governments were following suit and also were requiring their employees and retirees to sign the oath. The State of West Virginia and the City of Austin had refused to require a loyalty oath of their employees and contractors. All their federal funds were shut off. Soon they were back in line. It’s good to know everyone is loyal, isn’t it?

There were rumors some left-wing Hollywood types had tried to put up a fuss about signing. They claimed it was a Joe McCarthy-type communist witch hunt. But most of them signed. There was talk of independents who were holding out. That in some secret locations there was renegade news, films or shows with actors or writers who hadn’t signed the loyalty oath.

But very few average citizens were brave enough to try to see such showings. Rumor had it the renegade news and films showings were just to ferret out the un-Trumps. Armed crowds of Trump supporters somehow always found those secret locations and clubbed, shot, or pepper sprayed anyone not wearing the “Keep America Great Caps” who happened to be in the area.

All the while Team Trump turned a nice profit on the caps bearing the different “Great America” logos, as they are known. Everyone bought at least one. It isn’t safe to go out without a Great America cap. You have to hand it to Trump—he’s a great businessman.

Some professional athletes thought they could avoid signing the oath. But if they didn’t sign, they didn’t play. And that was the last anyone heard of them. In fact, most people claimed all professional athletes signed the pledge and there had never been any disloyal players. I thought I remembered a football player, some player whose name ended in “nick”, hadn’t signed.

Don’t you like the way everybody is ok now if you identify people by their race, religion or nationality? But anyway, my friends tell me this half Polock, half Black football player exists only in my mind. And that I’ve got short term memory loss. If everybody says it, it must be so.

U. S and Russia have never been better friends. Putin praised all Americans for finally electing a great leader. Kim Jong-un even jumped on the Trump bandwagon. It’s a good thing we have alliances with those good friends. Because some disloyal countries considered attacking us. Emperor Trump (oh, did I mention, that’s his new title?) quickly forced them to back down. He’s so tough!

The news channels all reported our success in immediately defeating our enemies. But sometimes I wonder why the mandatory draft of all citizens between the ages of 18 and 35 is needed. Of course, men and women are segregated. For the protection of the women. Trump really looks out for the soft womenfolk. But sometimes I wonder where have all the young people gone? And why?

I’ve tried to stop all this wondering. Trump TV tells me it’s better to enjoy the show than it is to ask a lot of questions. Questions just lead to unhealthy thinking. And Trump is the healthiest thinker our country, even our world, has ever known.

There was a time, back just in 2016, when I thought we weren’t the greatest nation. I wasn’t sure about Trump as President. And I thought a woman President wouldn’t be all that strong. Women tend to get whiny or shrill. I was tired of seeing Hillary in pantsuits and I was so tired of hearing about her emails.

I knew Trump could do better. I wasn’t sure I understood his positions on everything or how he would make his promises come true. But I really thought he would make our country great again. And he believed in what I believed in. Sometimes I wasn’t sure just what that was but I’ve always been sure he would fix everything.

And he has. Now I have a job. I work in the coal mine again. I don’t make much money. But I don’t need much. And I don’t have any time to spend money anyway since I work a 60-hour week. But Trump works three times as hard and as long as most people, a 180-hour week. The news reported that. So I really can’t complain.

Rumor has it the coal we mine is dipped in gold and then shipped to Florida for the latest Trump mansion. It looks amazing on TV. It’s an honor to have a part in building such a mansion for our leader.

I sort of wish I had health care again. I also wish I could afford to pay for public school for my kids. But as Trump says, “We all have to tighten our belts and make sacrifices if we are going to stay the greatest nation.”


And Trump says some kids can do better without going to school. My little Johnny will have the honor of starting work in the mines next year. Child labor laws have been abolished. Since we stopped immigrants from coming to this country we really have been able to put all Americans to work.