Living in the Land of Uncertainty

We all are living now in the land of uncertainty. People are staying at home as much as possible, and wearing masks when they have to go out. Health care workers, grocery store clerks, truckers, first responders, teachers and many others are being recognized as the heroes they are. Some for the first time.  Non-essential stores and offices are closed. Online ordering of food is difficult if not impossible. Everyday items we had long come to take for granted have disappeared in many places. The underlying fear of catching a deadly and novel virus competes with dire concerns of a great depression.

My uncertainty is a lot less than the uncertainty for many. But it exists. It’s about day six or seven since I started with a little, hacky cough, tightness in my chest and headache. Since I am given to allergies to nearly everything God or man created, but especially the God-creations, such as grass, pollen, sunlight, trees, cats, wool, dust mites (you get the picture), a little cough and tightness in my chest ordinarily are not unusual enough to give me pause.  

In the time of coronavirus, however, every cough, whether at home or in public, is suspect. My spouse immediately started asking how I felt. Did I have a fever? No. Was I feeling sick? Just a little tired. Could I still taste and smell food? I sure could. Did I have an appetite? Yes. Maybe a little less robust than usual, but food tasted fine. Or it did for the most part. Some few things had a strange aftertaste. Like dark chocolate. Oh—talk about God-created miracles. Please don’t let anything ruin the taste of chocolate.

 This state of affairs continued for several days. My coughs during the night occasionally waking my light-sleeping husband. But not me. I’ve been known to sleep through small and large disasters occurring around me. Since I am a senior and have a history of asthma I yielded to my spouse and other family member’s insistence that “I do something”.  I sent an electronic message to my primary care doctor. My symptoms were so minor I apologized for taking her attention away from what I was sure were more pressing patient issues.

My doctor’s office quickly responded and asked me to come to the office the next morning. I did, following their instructions for safe access. My doctor took my vitals and confirmed my temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen levels were all good. She listened to my lungs and asked pertinent questions about my symptoms. She noted I likely had a virus, the treatment for which was rest, fluids and healthful, easily digestible foods. She reiterated hygiene and safety measures to prevent the spread of the virus in case this was the dreaded COVID 19 and sent me home with a prescription for a new inhaler to use if the tightness in my chest caused any breathing difficulties and instructions to call 911 if I felt at any time I had significant trouble breathing.

When I got home and reported in an email the results to family, in what I thought was a very low-key manner, I was met with calls and questions. Some were concerned that I had not been tested for coronavirus. The only thing scarcer than rolls of toilet paper are COVID 19 tests. While it would be useful to know if the virus I am experiencing is part of the pandemic sweeping the globe, for me right now it makes little difference. I am and have been staying at home. I am not deathly ill. The doctor had assured me that whatever virus I had my spouse most likely already had been exposed so no extraordinary measures to keep him from being exposed were likely to make a difference.  

It would be useful to know if this illness is giving me some immunity to COVID 19. By the time I’m fully better I’m hoping tests will be available to determine that. By then, I could more safely go out and about. And also, possibly donate platelets to others who need help in recovering.  

I’m now in week two of the cough that lingers. I’ve not had any of the symptoms commonly associated with allergies, like itching and sneezing, or the ones I associate with flu or other previous viruses like fever or congestion.  I also don’t feel any worse. In fact, I am cautiously optimistic. I have a little more energy and am a little less headachy. I still don’t feel much like doing chores around the house or putting on makeup. But that’s not a whole lot different than usual.

I know that week two of COVID 19 often is a turning point where some people get better and some suddenly take a turn for the worse. So, I’m going to continue to follow my doctor’s advice: rest, fluids and stay at home.

As we all live in the land of uncertainty, I am wondering what I might find on Netflix today—and if Netflix will freeze up like it did last night. Maybe at some point we will all learn who is and who is not immune to coronavirus and have a vaccine for those who are not yet immune. Then we can emerge from the land of uncertainty and rebuild our world, perhaps in a kinder, better, and safer world for all of God’s creations.

Dreams in the Time of the Coronavirus

I have a rather profound question for you, dear readers: If Jimmy Buffet is singing in the background of your dream, no matter how otherwise horrible the dream, can it be a nightmare?

I, like other friends with whom I’ve spoken—by phone I assure you--have had disturbing dreams lately. But so far, I am the only one who’s nightmares have been punctuated by a soundtrack of what ordinarily is happy, beach-going, margaritas-drinking music.

It can be difficult to think and write happy thoughts. We all have family, friends, and ourselves to worry about. I am worried about dear relatives who have come down with this awful virus. I also am worried about our adult children, teenage grandchildren, and flocks of friends and other relatives who so far are remaining healthy, that is, if you don’t count stir-craziness.

Worries invade my thoughts throughout the days and no doubt are reflected in my dreams at night. I don’t generally remember my dreams. But I expect they are somewhere stewing in my psyche and reflect some of what is going on in our increasingly dystopian world.

For two nights in a row I kicked my husband while we were both sound asleep, jolting him awake. What dream demons I was destroying I have no idea.  To his credit my spouse refused my offer that I move to the guest room. Now he wears shin and knee guards to bed. Not really, but we have placed a large pillow near my legs and between us, so he has at least a chance of waking without bruises. And also, of getting a half-way decent night of sleep.

My spouse is not the only one in the family who has been subject to sudden awakenings. This morning, far earlier than I usually get up, our collie urgently paced and cried near my side of the bed. Thinking she needed to go outside urgently, I jumped out of bed. Well, that’s not exactly accurate either. I “jumped” as quickly as a senior who was sound asleep and also taking blood pressure medicine can jump out of bed without falling on her head.  

I tried to lead our collie to the back door so she could go into the yard. She refused to budge. Then I tried to lead her to the front windows in case her disturbance was caused by a three-dog walk by a neighbor that occurs twice a day. She refused to check out the front windows. So, I did the only thing one can do with a collie--I followed her.

She led me to the closed bathroom door. Thinking my husband was in the bathroom and perhaps in distress, I knocked and then opened the door. As he emerged from the shower, I asked him if everything was ok. He said he was fine and had closed the door so that the light wouldn’t wake me. Meanwhile, our dog had laid down and was sleeping, apparently quite happily, on the cold bathroom floor.

Dogs are smarter than we sometimes credit them. One of our sons has a black lab who has learned to open doors, particularly the one to the back yard and all the doors where food is kept. Obviously, our collie is even smarter. She has learned to manipulate her humans to open whatever doors she wants to go through.

After I saw that both my spouse and dog were fine, I went back to bed and fell asleep again. Only to be abruptly awakened sometime later by a phone call. The phone call was of no consequence except it caused me to know what I was dreaming at the time.

And a truly unusual dream it was, complete with a background soundtrack and activities that no doubt someone could interpret as meaning something in the time of coronavirus.  

Jimmy Buffett was singing over and over, “I don’t know where I’m a- gonna go when the volcano blow” as I and a number of other people were trapped in a nearly-ready-to-erupt volcano in North Korea. We were guarded by military officials who didn’t understand we were all in danger. Despite our panic, some of us had hacked into the guards’ phones and other electronic devices and we were starting to play warnings about the volcano when my actual phone rang.

I remain optimistic during this virus outbreak. Just as I feel sure we would have convinced those guards to help us escape, I think we will work together to create and find solutions, vaccines, medicines, supplies, physical distancing and whatever else it takes to defeat this threat.

Our world may well be changed from BC (the Time Before Coronavirus) to AC (after Coronavirus). We are losing and will lose many people to this terrible disease. We will learn how to collectively grieve. We will learn how to accomplish a lot more work as well as socializing, using technology so we can maintain distance. We will learn how to plan ahead for the next big disaster, having supplies and supply chains better organized to respond when disaster strikes.

Another, actually profound question presents itself: will we also recognize the value of diversity for our collective survival? I hope we learn to value the least of us, the elderly, the immigrant, the poor person. They or their child may hold the solution to our next pandemic or disaster.