Writing for a Living

Iowa City is the place to be if you love good writing.  Here at the University of Iowa Summer Writing Festival, great writers are revered, though not necessarily overpaid, the way Hollywood and the rest of the world celebrates and overpays movie stars and sports phenoms.  Iowa has its own Walk of Fame immortalizing great Iowa-connected authors in bricks. Their fans tread lightly and in awe.

This year my brother and I again are enrolled for week-long sessions in the hopes of improving our writing skills, even if we are never likely to earn a living through writing. My class is on dialogue, with the catchy title, "You talkin' to me?" I'm already feeling De Niro's accent coursing through my fingers as I type.

As I told our spectacularly-skilled teacher, Kate Aspengren, (and no, I'm not writing that because I hope she will stumble on my blog) I am hoping she will give me the skills to shed the Hallmark Movie feel from my dialogue. Our Professor, a very successful playwright, who actually has her own brick in Iowa City's Literary Walk, should be the one who can show me how to wipe the cheesy from the words I impose on my characters.

So here's the first dialogue I typed in class. Our Prof supplied the first line as inspiration.

SHE:

“You’re the last person in the world I expected to see.”

HE:

“It’s been a long time.”

He pushes past her into the apartment.  She trails behind him.

SHE:

“How did you find me?”

HE:

“You know I was a detective.”

SHE:

“I know. I just never thought you’d come lookin’ for me.”

HE:

“I been lookin’ for you for… well, since our last job.”

SHE:

“Why?”

HE:

“You know I could never forget you.”

SHE:

“You spent all of the money, didn’t you? And now you think I’ll help you with your next big con. Well forget it. I’ve been straight ever since you made off with the whole take.”

HE:

“Me? I didn’t run off with the take. “

Simultaneously, “Willie!”

They move closer.

She:

“You mean you didn’t take the money?”

HE:

“I should’a known it was Willie. Oh, baby, come here…”

The Simple Life

We were without power for about twelve hours: an auto accident took out a nearby utility pole. Reduces you to the simple things in life. Since it happened at night that means finding the flashlights. And in the morning trying to figure out how to make coffee.

The night was cool so we opened a window. This morning we needed no alarm clock as we woke to bird calls. We enjoyed a nice walk in the park and a leisurely read of the newspapers. To our surprise, the dog happily ate plain kibbles without all the extras we usually add in--we were not opening the fridge to keep its contents cold. We went out to breakfast to solve the coffee as well as the "no opening the fridge" dilemma.

Now the power is back on.  I have gotten busy and am doing the laundry, emailing friends, and writing on my computer. But it was kind of nice without power for awhile. Inside the house was really quiet, except for the bird songs wafting through the open window.

I easily could get used to a few hours without power. That is, if I could solve one of life's great mysteries: making coffee without electricity. Is there a solar-powered coffee pot? If not, someone should invent one.

Insects

A man and woman in bed, man sitting up, obviously awake. Woman on her side, sleeping.

Man: “Honey, are you awake?”

Woman: “Huh? What?” Pause. “What do you want?”

Man: “Are you awake?”

Woman: “I am now.” Pause. “I was just in the middle of a dream. It was so real. I was playing an insect on stage.”

Man: “What did it sound like?”

Woman: “What did what sound like?”

Man: “Playing an insect. Is it like a trombone, or more like a violin?”

Woman: “I wasn’t playing a musical instrument. I was an actor, playing an insect, on stage.”

Man: “Oh.” pause. “So, if you are awake when are you getting up to make breakfast?”

Woman: “How about some grass?”

Woman gets out of bed and starts to pull up grass from around the bed.’

Man: “We had that yesterday.”

This Rabbi Goes Into a Bar WIth A frog on His Shoulder...

Good Morning Campers.
Today is the penultimate day of the workshop. Only a few people in the workshop write like that and they do it for humor, I think.

Yesterday's 11 am lecture was a hoot. The insturctor also is an actress and playwright. I can't vouch for her plays but if her acting is anything like her lecturing she is a hoot. She started the session by having class participants tell a joke. Then she used the jokes to demonstrate how drama and jokes depend on a shift in perception.

 Only complication for me was that through unforeseen circumstances I got to the lecture ten minutes late. So I missed the jokes around which the entire lecture revolved. Sort of like coming in late and missing the introductions. Then you spend the rest of the time trying to figure out what is going on and who are these people.

But it made for an even more interesting lecture. And by the end of the session I was able to guess all but one of the jokes. Someone in my afternoon class finally told me the third joke. That retelling was particularly funny, even funnier than the joke itself.  That's  because the third joke was a bit raunchy. So as I was sittign with my afternoon class asking about the third joke, several people offered to  retell the joke. As one person told a part of the joke they stopped and suggested someone else finish it. Finally  all but the pucnh line had been told but no one would finish the joke. The woman sitting next to me agreed to whisper the punch line to me. Obviously I should have gone out for a drink with my class and they would all have been shouting in competition to tell the joke.

BTW the joke was not all that funny but at least now the lecture made a little more sense. However if i get five comments on this post I will write the joke on tomorrow's post.